After last night, I could never be a politician.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
