i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
