Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
