i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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