dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
