he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
