i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
