I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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