Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
