is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
