Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
