Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
