I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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