That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
