In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
