I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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