are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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