just tell him i said nine months
You smell like stripper and shame
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
