We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
