How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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