so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
