Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
