careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
