She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
