none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
