Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
this is an emotional support booty call
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
