I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
