your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
