john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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