Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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