You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
