I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
