she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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