No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
