i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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