I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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