my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Operation Purity has been aborted
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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