Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
