some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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