We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
