1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
