At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
