thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
