Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
