I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
