erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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