you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
