Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
