my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
