I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I've blown a few things in my day
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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