I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
