Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
