You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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